my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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