Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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