$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize