No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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