New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
