the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
