There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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