remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
