its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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