I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
