Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
