a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
