HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
