Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize