she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
