i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
