Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
