i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
