I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
