kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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