I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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