11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize