i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
