The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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