It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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