I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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