honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
