So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
