take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
