At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
