Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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