i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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