Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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