God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
