i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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