my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
