wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
false alarm, still single
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