I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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