Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
