she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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