I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
