Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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