Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
