What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
