Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
