Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
