is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
