Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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