She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize