shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
