This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize