i permit you to call me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
