did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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