I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize