You're my little dorito
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
