my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
