Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
