there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
