Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
