Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
