im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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