Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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