i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
