i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.