I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND