I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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