before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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