Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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