So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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