You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize