So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize