wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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