You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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