Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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