I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
